Redrum - Köln 🇩🇪

 MEIN DEUTSCH IST SCHEIßE, however the weather is lovely, the bricks are old, and boy does it ever feel good to be back in Germany. We’re in Köln. Well Schwabach right now, but we started in Köln. Outside of my travels in Tallinn, Cartagena and maybe if I was feeling generous, Banff, Schwabach is probably one of the most beautiful old towns I've ever seen. Only a bees whisker south of Nuremberg, this quaint, picturesque, parthenon of beauty bares more eye candy than your favourite 80's hair metal music video. You know when Bobby Brown was in Cherry Pie & Tawny Kitaen was dancing on the bonnet in Still of the Night. I find there are very few moments in life where you're able to take a step back, look at your surroundings, and say "yeah, this is the business" to yourself; but this is definitely one of these moments. Old town Schwabach looks as if it was designed solely to be one of the all time great postcards you send your mum on your holidays. Like Lake Bled. Or Castle Combe. The Dark Side of the Moon of postcards if you will. It's as if the architects of the day designed a Ferrari Testarossa and then sculpted it out of tiramisu. And timber. Every corner I turned bore an orchestra of beauty more than the last. I could have stayed for a month, however, back to Köln.

Köln, a city known for Kölsch beer, fragrances of various scents, and of course a whopping great cathedral. A cathedral so whopping that when it was finally completed in 1880, it was the tallest building in the world. Only to be eclipsed by The Washington Monument in 1884 in what has recently become the worst country on planet earth. But more on that another time. Gothic by design, it took roughly 630 years to build. How you could build something that remotely resembled the original design over than time frame I’ll never know. Although, Antoni Gaudi has seemingly been successful at it with the Sagrada Família, but I’m certain the city of Toronto won't be as lucky with it with the Eglinton Line. If you’re not familiar with that reference, that’s ok. Basically the city of Toronto has spent 15 years building a 19km train line that is fraught with problems, at least a billion dollars over budget, and somehow, still has no projected date to open. Just goes to show how much loot the church’s and tax payers have eh.

Anti Catholic Church or City of Toronto spending habits aside, both Köln and Schwabach are lovely. Nuremberg as well for that matter. Germany to me is a country of the industrious working class. Everywhere you go is hustling with people, going to and from, everybody seems to be busy, and yet, in the most European manner possible, everyone still finds time to loiter on patios, smoke endless amounts of cigarette and drink espressos by the gallon. It’s a healthy balance. Germany is probably my favourite place to play gigs in because while you can’t smoke inside anywhere anymore, you can smoke on stage inside, because they consider it part of your art. Which is find a funny paradox in these modern times. Köln’s history actually dates back about 2000 years. Founded by Emperor Claudius in 50AD at the request of his misses. Originally named after her, it became a thriving metropolis and a major trading hub in the Middle Ages. Safe passage for pilgrims, and then one of Prussia’s most important trading posts in the 19th century before being glued back together after a certain period of time somewhere after1945. Today though, thankfully none of that conflict is apparent or visible, and it has become home to art, and life, and culture in north western Germany. 

All of this art, life, loud music, long hair and the heaviest of metal, leads us to the home of rock n roll in this wonderful city; Redrum. This high octane fuelled Mecca of leather jackets, frosty cold pints, band stickers and sassy bar tenders is every 80's rocker wet dream. Redrum is to the rock n roll scene, what Costco is to single mums, a smorgasbord of bulk buying excellence, with a snack tray and a decent sound track to boot. Unlike Costco though, one doesn’t come here for a flatscreen tele or a skid of slightly bruised peaches, one comes to Redrum to indulge in a few litres of amber Neckar, and to play a game of schoken. A dice game played between patrons to see whose shout it is next. 

It's been a fantastic start to this tour, the shows have been excellent and like the rest of Köln, Redrum is a perfect feather in the cap for this fantastic city. While it might not operate 24/7 like your local petrol station, it has the welcoming aroma of scented candles, garnished with years of split beer. A dimly lit sign and an axe for a door handle welcomes you like a mate, it lets you know you're home when you're within these four walls. The only pimple on the backdrop of Schwabach is the occasional wheelie bin, and a Citroen C4. And the only plight in Köln was some entitled American having a moan because we were being too loud and a kraut yelling at me because I crossed the street incorrectly. Classic yanks, move to a city of art and culture, drinking and conviviality and then have a moan because people are doing the things that make this city great. 

Tomorrow we head back to the land of baked beans. See ya’s on the road!

6/6.